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| Impeccably chic in Paris. Photo © Radu Razvan Gheorghe. |
I believe I may be the only American woman to have read
every book there is on how to be more Parisian. From my childhood fascination
with my mother’s French Creole roots (my grandmother’s maiden name is Golette),
to weekly tutorials with my Haitian babysitter, completing French language
studies in high school and traveling on several occasions to the City of Lights—my
intrigue with French culture, Parisian culture in particular—has been lifelong.
So, bien sûr, when I came across the book,
“How to Be Parisian Wherever You Are: Love, Style, and Bad Habits,” by Anne Berest, Audrey Diwan, Caroline de Maigret and Sophie Mas. I had to have it.
My first thought, dear blog reader … oh, those naughty French girls...
I must admit, while reading this book, my puritanical American roots tightened up and gave a few serious tugs. I may have even mouthed, “Oh, my” in a Scarlett O'Hara sort of way. On page one, before I could even swallow my first sip of cocoa, I was advised, “Always be fuckable: when standing in line at the bakery on a Sunday morning, buying champagne in the middle of the night, or even picking the kids up from school. You never know.” Hmmm … does this come under love, style or bad habits, or all three? As a married woman with a toddler, and a few months shy of the big 4-0, I’m not entirely sure this advice is meant for me??? The more I thought about it, it would sort of disgust me (gross me out really) if any of the men at my local bakery looked at me as the sort of woman waiting to be taken next to the bagels and croissants. We all know what that woman looks like, right? At least the US internet porn version. Also, I would feel a bit sacrilegious being, I quote, “fuckable,” before I head to church on a Sunday.
Then, there is a full page on how to cheat on your boyfriend with your lover, titled “The ABC’s of Cheating.” This didn’t give me as big of a sigh after having digested “Kiss and Play”—on how to make out in public like a film star—and spicing up after dinner conversation with a discussion on adultery. Poor Emily Post would turn over in her grave. “After talking about sex, the topic of conversation that goes best with dessert is adultery.” Assuming this isn’t a PTA dinner, or idle chit-chat with your husband’s boss and wife while passing the crème brûlée?
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| Illustration © Aleutie. |
After finishing the last page, I have to admit—I felt really uncool and a bit like Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple. Am I a full generation older than these French beauties? I feel as if this book would have better resonated with me in my twenties—especially if I lived in New York, Paris, Berlin or Prague—some cold, damp, dark city (definitely not sunny California), where I slithered (in a Burberry trench coat) against alley walls in the wee hours of the night; naked under the trench coat, of course, with my mouth bleeding of red lipstick like Bette Davis in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane.
The book has a dark, melancholy, raw, artistic quality that’s a bit Twilight-y. There is a great desire to be felt, to be deep and unearthly cool, that reads like the alternative girl’s high-school diary. In the French way of not wanting to appear as if one is trying too hard—it’s trying a little hard (i.e. pictures include too many cigarettes and young women that seem to need fresh air, sun, a good blow-dry and perhaps a multi-vitamin). It bears repeating, Le No Makeup Look is a no-no for anyone over 29. You should not look like a Real Housewife (fake eyelashes, cat face, two-inch decorated nails, bandage dresses and 6-inch heels). However, deciding to embrace your black eye circles and rosacea—as wonderful as that is—please cover it as naturally as possible. You do not want to scare school children before Halloween.
However, there are some great recipes, style advice and tips such as, “At the end of your shower, spray your breasts with cold water.”
Definitely worth buying if you're twenty, love the bad boys, have posters of Robert Pattinson on your bedroom walls and consider yourself a bit of a wanton seductress in the grocery store isle. If you're happily married, think of your children as more than "A little extra something" in your life, are healthy and work out, wouldn't dream of smoking cancer sticks, going to clubs past the age of thirty and understand that wearing heels at the park is a sign of an underlying issue—you may want to pass.
