Overdoing SEXY: 5 Reasons Why Showing More Gets You a Whole Lot Less.

"There is an expression in France; avoir du chien. It means to be sexy, attractive and brainy. To seduce a man you need to be able to make him laugh, entertain him and keep him interested. And it's not enough to just wear garters ..."
- Helena Frith Powell, All You Need to Be Impossibly French

I was recently in Los Angeles a few weeks ago (my home town), and happened to pop into Boulmiche. The same Beverly Hills boutique where the famous scene from the 1990s movie, Pretty Woman, was shot. You know the scene. Vivian (Julia Roberts) walks into the elegant little store dressed in street-walker attire, tons of cash in hand, and asks the price of a dress. The two pretty blond sales women, doing their best impression of conservative rich-lady 80s chic, simply respond, "I don't think we have anything here for you. You're obviously in the wrong place."

Many of us have had a "Pretty Woman" experience, and if you haven't, well, you've lost out on some character building. In my early twenties, after a day at the beach, I decided to drop into the Louis Licari salon in Beverly Hills (made famous by its celebrity clientele), to make an appointment for highlights. Mind you, I was wearing a sheer shirt that revealed my bikini top, old jean shorts and high-heeled wedge sandals. The first thing that erupted out of the receptionist's mouth was, "We don't take checks." I believe the music stopped and every head turned to stare and gasp. The conservatively and expensively dressed woman that came in behind me, was greeted a little different. An ear-to-ear smile was now the receptionist's visage, changing quickly from the scowl and big-eyes, I received. She then took the woman gently by the hand and whisked her lovingly into a shampoo chair. "Oh, I almost forgot," she yelled back,  "See if Mrs. Langley would like some champagne."

After scheduling my appointment and assuring the receptionist I would pay with cash, I hurriedly hit the pavement. The embarrassment was way too much. I needed a glass of wine. Next stop, wine store. Nothing like a little overpriced wine to make a gal feel expensive again. I swore on my dead cat, Cherry, that I would never do beach clothes in Beverly Hills again. A few steps out of the salon, I was accosted, by a balding slick-haired man in his seventies; wearing a track suit, gold chain, and smoking a cigar. He asked if he could take me out, "Somewhere's really nice." That was it; I was forever changed.

How could this have happened to me? I was in graduate school for god sakes. I was the only girl in junior high that wore cashmere sweaters, pearls and Italian loafers. I could even recite Voltaire! Now I was being propositioned by Mr. Somewhere's Really Nice.

What many people don't understand, especially young people, is that overdoing sexy is like overdoing trendy. It takes away from your appeal, rather than adding to it. So why is that?

1. Sex is a game of the mind. Humans crave intrigue and mystery. If everything is already on display, what's to be curious about? You pretty much see what you're going to get; there's nothing to ponder, imagine, fantasize about. The mind uses less energy if there's less to consider. Boredom quickly ensues, especially if it's all sizzle and no steak. "I am not a sexy woman, I'm not beautiful, I'm not a sex kitten, I don't flirt with people, yet I've been tagged more of a sex symbol than women who truly are and I think that's solely because I don't reveal too much; people are curious." - Shirley Manson

2. Men may fantasize about the va-va-vavoom gals, but they aren't looking for long-term relationships with them. Years ago, I had a brief stint working for Patti Stanger, of Bravo TV Millionaire Matchmaker fame. I asked Patti one day, "What is the main type of woman your clientele usually asks for?" I was thinking of obvious sex-pot types like: Angelina Jolie, Sophia Vergara or Marissa Miller. "No," she quickly replied. "They want the conservative girl next door, like Reese Witherspoon or Natalie Portman. Women like Angelina Jolie scare them. Way too sexy and exotic." She went on to explain that men, in general, are a bit insecure. It takes a certain super secure man to handle all that sexy; and they still prefer the vinyl cat suit to be worn behind closed doors - not publicly. (Note: this also applies to gay men. Leave the way-too-tight muscle-boy shirts and bulge-revealing pants at home!)

3. Overtly sexy attire is vulgar. Definitions of vulgar: lacking sophistication or good taste; unrefined; characterized by ignorance of or a lack of good breeding; crude, coarse, etc. I remember a television skit, many years ago, where someone was trying to see if they could get Pamela Anderson into a few New York City high-fashion shows. The response was always a resounding, "No." There were even a few hang-ups. How many Playmates or Hustler models do we usually see at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week sitting alongside the ladies-who-lunch? Zero.

4. If you want to attract a certain quality mate, you must be and look like the same. "To the manor born" types, well-educated, successful people from great families/legacies, often prefer others that look and act the same; share the same interests. Could you picture the late JFK, Jr. married to a Real Housewife as opposed to Caroline Bessette-Kennedy? Prince William with Britney Spears, not Katherine Middleton? How about Rihanna with President Obama, minus Michelle?

5. Women who dress too sexy at work are often mistaken for being less competent. "Dressing too sexy can also have psychological effects on your peers, according to Peter Glick, a professor of psychology at Lawrence University in Wisconsin. A study by Glick that was published in Psychology of Women Quarterly indicates that women in high-level positions who dress in what is seen as sexy attire are viewed as less competent–regardless of their skill sets. These women are passed over for promotions more often than their more modestly dressed female colleagues." (Laura Sinberg, Forbes, What Not To Wear to Work)